It's Scary Raising a Girl....

What the hell was I thinking? My daughter went to school today wearing a bra. A dance/sports bra, but a bra nonetheless. Why is this a big deal you ask? Because she is 9-years-old. And not one of those early developing 9-year-olds; she is as flat-chested as a popsicle stick, still sporting the same childish body she's had since losing her toddler fat at age three.

So, why the bra then? She obviously has no need of it. And here lies the grey area of parenting a girl. A girl that will potentially hate her body, wrestle with her self image, and deal with all the issues that arise with boys, puberty, and not having a clue what to do about any of it. As far as I was concerned, I had two options. Point out the obvious (that she in no way needs a bra) and tell her to come back when she's sprouted, or, act like it's no big deal and respect her feelings so that when it does happen she will also think little of it and come to me again when she needs the next size up. I went with the latter.

Now, I do run the chance of her coming home from school today crying that people were making fun of her for wearing a bra when there was no need for it. There is also a risk that her fellow classmates will go home asking for one (because if one girl is ready for it when she still has the generic body of a unisex child then the rest of them must as well) and the wrath of those parents who think it's crazy for a kid in grade 3 to wear a bra without needing it will come down upon my head and strike me a terrible mother.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think she needs it and the thought of telling her no has come across my mind multiple times, but it's impossible to know what to do in this situation. I'm hoping she'll wear it a few times and just let it go. And if not, well, it's not really hurting anybody, is it?

But here is a much deeper issue. The fact that I could even find her a bra is rather unsettling for me. Why? Because my daughter is tiny. Tiny in that she can still wear clothes that are made for those in kindergarten (okay, okay, there may be a little bit of exaggeration here, but not much). Her bra, bought from a brand name dance store (on sale at the outlet, don't start judging my purchases for her either) was a size 6. A size 6 when sizes are still made in relation to ages of the children. Which means, that the bra was made for a 6-year-old. And not only that, but there was also sizes 2, 4 and then the larger sizes at 8, 10, and 12. Who is making bras for 2 and 4 and 6 and 8 year-olds? Actually, they're probably sweat shop workers in third world countries that are just doing as their told. My question should actually be, who in their right mind thinks it's okay to design and produce sports/dance bras for two-year-olds? And what teeny, weeny little girls are wearing them in dance class?

This probably makes me a hypocrite. I bought one of these aforementioned bras for my kid who does not need it. But she will never, ever be wearing it in dance class. Not by itself, that's for sure. But the fact is still there that some kids do. That they could if they wanted. If I watched Pageant Moms I'm sure I'd see many cases of this and it makes me so sad. Buying a bra for a 9-year-old makes me sad because I want her to stay a little girl as long as possible. Why can't they stay little girls ? Why must they be wearing, and encouraged to wear from girls magazines and so forth, lingerie? Lingerie made for adults.

Now, I digress here. I was talking about dance bras and now it's lingerie. But that's because it is out there and once you start with the sports bras the logical next step is the traditional form of them.  See how simple it is to go from dancewear to lingerie? And obviously someone has and is making a line for 4 to 12-year-olds (in France, however, that does not mean it won't get here. And I doubt French Girls are any more advanced than their North American cohorts). No wonder girls are having sex way before they're ready when they're wearing lingerie before they even understand the point of them. What ever happened to girls being girls? And is it parents like me who try to be understanding by buying them such things a part of the problem?

I don't know if I made the right decision or not. All I know is that dealing with girls and growing up is hard and getting scarier and scarier by the minute. There is no longer room for black and white, everything is grey because we need to keep them girls as long as possible but also help them grow into confident young women, and the first step of that I believe is supporting them. Isn't it? However, it's easy to support them when it's is a simple piece of fabric, but when she's asking for more serious things like birth control and condoms, well, I don't know what I'll do. I just hope that will not happen until she truly is ready, but in this era of sexting and role models desperate to make the covers of Maxim magazine, I'm terrified it won't be.