One Super Instructor, and by Super, I mean Superbly Terrible at Making Excuses for His Below Average Night Landing Skill

My instructor almost ran over the lights along the runway today. I'm sorry, I mean tonight, as it was my first lesson on night flying. I'm pretty sure, as he was telling me how perfectly he was lined up with the centreline, that the wing of my plane was over the edge of the runway. I was cringeing waiting for a wheel to take out a few of the lights. I thought to myself, 'at least if you're going to wreck stuff, wreck the entire thing, because this plane isn't going to be worth the repair bill'. And then, when he finally touched down and clued into the fact that the Fargo's right tire was barely a mere foot from the edge of the runway, he told me it was because of the crosswind and that he hadn't put in enough crosswind control.

See, apparently, the wind was coming from the south, according to him. Now, my directions are not very good. Often, I have to think quite hard and look at my compass to know which way is south or north. But, as far as I'm aware, wind coming from 240 is not south. At least I don't think it is. Not only that, when you're coming in on runway 24 and the wind is at 240, is that not pretty much a headwind? How much crosswind control is required for a direct headwind?

Okay, so my instructor has established the fact that a direct headwind requires crosswind control, but then how much is necessary? If the headwind is at 4 kts, does that require a great deal of crosswind control or a little bit? Is a 4KT headwind going to make you clip the lights along the edge of the runway? Because I could have sworn his misalignment had more to do with the fact that when he was telling me he was lined up with the centreline, the tires basically flew directly over the blue threshold lights on the right side of the runway indicating that indeed he was not lined up with the centerline but with the far right edge. I would think that probably had more to do with not being lined up than the wind. But, what do I know? I am merely a student and he is the all-knowing instructor. And, he did have proof. The windsock was his testament to his lacking any responsibility for his terrible landing. I mean, it must have been as he did say to me, "See that windsock? See the crosswind?" As if this would make it true. And perhaps it did. People see lights in the sky at night and are sure it is a UFO. Or, shadows in the Okanagan Lake and are certain it is a mythical creature from the deep. But I digress...

Where was I? Oh yes, I did look at the windsock and was immediately confused. By crosswind, once again, did he mean the fact that the tail of the windsock was hanging straight down at the ground and the head of it (you know, the open part that the wind blows through, and once again, that is the technical term) was directly parallel with the runway? Because if that's a crosswind, I don't know what the hell I was doing when the wind was blowing perpendicular to the runway. Would that be called a headwind then? So-named due to the fact that blows along the side of my head? I guess I must have had my terms wrong all along.

Oh, wait a minute, it must be a headwind due to the fact that it was stirring the hairs on my head when I got out, as opposed to the so-called crosswind that was blowing when my instructor landed. You know the kind of crosswind I'm talking about, the kind that's completely non-existent apart from in an instructor's head to save face? Because I can tell you, when I landed my plane (after I myself was lined up with the centreline until my instructor with his crooked eyes and imaginary crosswind grabbed the controls from me and forced the fargo onto the edge of the runway despite my counter-pulling to line it back up) and got out, the imaginary crosswind did not stir a hair on my head. So I must remember, for future reference, that a crosswind is the kind of wind that doesn't actually blow but does line the windsock parallel with the runway, and it also has the ability to pull down on the right side of the controls so that the airplane veers dangerously off-course on the flare and subsequent touchdown, therefore making the owner of the plane rather cross about the fact that it was nearly totalled. That must be why it's called a crosswind.

And in that case, I hope I do not encounter too strong of a crosswind again while landing with my instructor, because I'm pretty sure if it was any stronger than it was (and once again, I mean any stronger than 4 KTS because that's what was called in on the LWIS although I'm pretty sure it was much less than that seeing as the sock was hardly moving at all), it would have unbuckled his seat belt and pushed the passenger door right open, thereby knocking my night-landing-impaired instructor right onto his ass. However, in that case, you'd think he will have been rather happy he couldn't line the plane up with the centreline, because landing on the grass would be a lot softer than the tarmac.